TIME MACHINE: Prologue

Here's a story of Foamin Frodo with a Fro and me, the narrator's, recent adventure. Every week I will be adding a new installment, so brace yourselves, because this blog is back in business!

The Time Machine:

Frodo and I just recently ventured out on a quest to the Fiji Islands to collect some of their fabulous water.

We travelled there in a large vessel known as the Grandeur of Laureth Sulfate.  We docked upon the shores. Frodo and I excited onto the beach. We were clad in leather boots, with thick, rucksack-like garments donned upon our torsos and legs, with a large, frou frou, feathered hat upon our heads. In my hand, I clutched a long, deadly sword, crafted with the finest, strongest iron; it was light, but could maim with the power of an axe.

Many people crowded the sandy terrain, most of them looking frightened; the adults hid their children and held them tight.

"EN GAURD!!!" I bellowed. The people cowered and squealed, "Pirates! Pirates!"

"Oh, stop you're blubbering," Frodo groaned. "We don't mean you any harm, just get off your rumps and show us to that mighty fine Fiji water you guys have."

"Yes, sir," one of the locals bowed nervously. "O-our water is certainly the best tasting-much nicer then it is in bottles, yes, yes."

Foamin Frodo with a Fro and I erupted in a chorus of deep, cruel laughter.

"We won't be drinking it, we'll be exploring it!" Frodo answered.

"EN GUARD!" I shouted.

Then the local, who was a scrawny, middle aged man, lead us to the mighty fine water. We clambered on alongside a small, thin stream, through the depths of the forest. Hot sun dappled through the fissures of the tree branches and around the umbrellas of leaves. It's strong heat never faltered, and caused my to perspire greatly.

"Wish we'd worn better clothes," I whispered to Frodo.

"What are you talking about?" He turned to me, confused.

"That's right, I forgot, you lack not only the ability to eat food, but also the ability to feel and detect temperature change. Fascinating, isn't it, the capacity the human mind has to neglect the interning differences that others hold, for the human mind fears uniqueness and is jealous of it."

"I thought we were being pirates, not sciencey philosophical whatevers."

"My dear Foamin Frodo with a Fro, people are capable of liking lots of different things at once, but those likes fluctuate. So at one point, you can like some things more than others, and then in the blink of an eye, you are thrust deeply into a pool of another like,"I said.

"Nevermind," Frodo said, through a surprisingly large amount of foam.

We eventually reached the pool of Fiji water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pool of water was crisp and clear, like a diamond refracting rays of glistening light back to it's cult-like overlord, the Sun. The sun would eat up these light balls, where its power would grow more abundant, dangerous, and scorchingly majestic.

It made me want to put sunglasses on, and bang my head against an oven door, knowing how minuscule I was in the whole broad scheme of things. I could never be apart of the important cycle of "give light to the Sun overlord, and it will give you light in return".

Foamin Frodo with a Fro and I jumped into the water, with huge, hideous grins on our face. It was warm like a bath, but at the same time, refreshing like an icy drink. I would plunge into its depths, and press my stomach against the sand. I would swim with my arms against my side, and my legs pushing back, as if I was squeezing through a tube of water that enclosed my flesh. Then, I would turn around on my back, and float, underneath the water. The water was like a veil, a glimpse of the void, a vacuum of emptiness that calmed you down, and made you forget all the worries of the world outside. But when your head resurfaced, and the air outside cooled your face, and the soddenness of your hair dripped onto your flesh, you were reminded of the hurts the prospect of living bestowed upon you. Then, though, you would look down into the water, as if it were a window, and see fish swimming and plants breathing with the current of water, and you were reminded of beauty. Then you would see the trees, the birds,  flowers, and all things lovely, and you'd know that despite all pain, beauty remained. I glanced around outside of the pool, and saw this gorgeous world.

However, my eyes laid upon something manmade, something that did not belong in such a place of purity. It was a Fiji truck. There were men, all around it, clothed in large, rubber suits. They held tubes that would suck the water out of the pool and into the trucks. Others stood over the trucks, and poured strange things into the water-weird potions of odd colors.

It would only be a matter of time before they found us.

"Frodo," I cried. "Look!" I pointed towards the lines of trucks. Frodo's exuberant eyes grew wide in fear.

"We have to go," I said as I trudged out of the water.

Out of the water, my raged clothes were drenched. I thought the cool water would help protect me from the mid afternoon sun, but instead, my clothes stuck to me. A wise woman once said something along the lines of "Sticky and wet makes mommy upset, sticky and wet is very icky." That wise woman was Marissa Benson, and she was my spirit animal. In this moment, her words seemed more of a fact to me than things like, "The sky appears blue to the average human eye" or "Most major and popular business are extremely corrupt". In this moment, I was so sticky, disgusting, hot, and miserable that you could tell me the sky was actually green because it's made of green apple Laffy Taffy, or that companies work out of the love of there hearts, and are not driven by money, and I would probably believe you.

I was  tramping angrily and dolefully through the jungle when Foamin Frodo with a Fro stopped me.

"Hey, wait up," he said. "We can't be leaving, not yet. We haven't even explored!"

"We can't explore, not now. not when the company Fiji is here!" I sighed. He couldn't know. Not now, not ever. His existence would be endangered. 

"Why not? It's just some stupid company. They can't stop us from exploring, because we have every right to this island as they do."

"No, we don't. We came here by force."

"And how do you think they got here?"

"You make a good point, but still, we can't linger," I said.

"Why not?"

"Because I said so. Because Fiji is... is... Corrupt!"I was getting nervous now. He was being too persistent. Foamin Frodo with a Fro could never find out the truth about the Fiji water company.

"That's not a decent reason. When you were teaching me those life classes, and you were telling me about the world, you said that all companies are corrupt. i'm going back. I'm going exploring, no matter what you say."

"Come back here you little chummy.... Don't you understand? They're going to kill you, and then they're going to kill me!!" I yelled.

He walked away, and shook his head. He never turned back.

"You need to listen to me!!" I shouted desperately. I then realized I had to follow. If I let him go off on his own, he would be caught by the Fiji workers. He would find out the truth. But, at a cost. They would capture him and lock him away.

I had to tell him myself, no matter how he treated me because of it.

"Frodo, come back, I need to tell you something!" I ran in the direction he came from.

He then came into my view, and turned around. "What? Promise, you're not gonna stop me, alright?"

"I won't, I swear. Let me tell you the truth about the Fiji water company. When you came on this planet, you weren't the only one. A few weeks after you arrived in this world, other Foamites started coming to earth, ones that didn't have Fros. They were looking for you. They were determined to destroy you because you'd forsaken them. I didn't want you to know, because I knew you'd be afraid, and you were already so scared of earth. So, the government sent them far away, to the Island Poland Springs, where scientists ripped out the hippocampus of their brains (the part for long term  memory). But they didn't realize that Foamites have different brains. Where humans store memory, Foamites store feelings. So now, the evil Foamites remembered their mission to destroy you, but no longer understood the feelings that caused them to want this. They no longer have empathy or remorse or sadness or anything. They are indues goons with the purpose to destroy you.

"I asked the government to kill them off, or send them away, but they refused. Poland Spring had now gotten a few free laborers, and they weren't ready to get rid of them Not until, however, Fiji bought them away. Fiji's CEO, Morsel MontGummry, promised to help  them in their quest to destroy you, if only they worked hard with them for free. Of course, the Foamites agreed." I finished with a sigh.

Foamin Frodo with a Fro stared glumly at a his feet.

 "Are you mad?"  I asked.

"Yeah, mad at those Foamites. I hate them because they're so cruel and afraid. They were scared of me for my Fro. And even though I lived there for a long time, and even though this world can be a pretty bad place, I'd still rather call it home. I felt safe here, and I can't believe they took that from me. We have to stop them."

"What do you suppose we do?"

"I dunno. Maybe first we can spy on them?"

I thought that was quite risky, but I couldn't say no. I didn't tell Frodo the truth-which he rightfully deserved- and now I owed him. So, we went to spy on them.

We moved closer towards the Fiji workers. We could hear the sounds of their voices and the sounds of their machinery.

We crouched down behind a bush, where we were about 200 yards away from them.

"Well, now we've got to wait," I said.

"Yep.... So, you know what I've been thinking? You humans and your food, you like it right?"

"Sure, but it's not really the time to be talking about it..."

"Yeah you're right. But anyway. What if you know you're going to eat something really good, and you want to savor it. So you realize, if it's something that you're like never going to eat ever again, do you savor it? Do you realize that if you eat it now, and if you're like 20, and you're going to die at 90, then you would go like 70 years without ever eating it again. So wouldn't it be better to wait and eat it?"

"No, I think it would be better to shut up!"

"Ahh, what an interesting conversation I hear," said a deep voice from behind. "I hear your chatter chatter and it would be better to shh shh, am i RIGHT RIGHT??"Then, the voice laughed.

Soon, a short woman with a slim stature came towards them. She foamed at the mouth, but this foam was a little bit reddish, and I immediately thought of blood.

She then took two clothes from her pockets and tied them around our mouths to stifle our screams before I even had the chance to unsheathe my sword.


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I awoke, what I assume to be, a few hours later, in a truck. I was still woozy and dreary eyed. I looked down upon my hands, and they were tied together. I took a knot tying class, and new of all the really fancy knots, but that didn't matter because whoever tied me up literally used the simplest, stupidest knot. Obviously, I untied it. I then managed to untie Foamin Frodo with a Fro's, who groaned in his sleep. "Wake up, come on," I said. He then moaned, and one eye fluttered open. "Yes?" he said.

"Look, we're in a truck!"

"I know, it's all bumpy lumpy," he replied groggily.

"But look! Look at all these opened boxes, and they're filled with these creepy dolls! They are plush but hard, with red hair, huge, terrifying eyes, and an evil grin... They're called Tai-Kwon Joes!"

"So? I don't care. Look, it's over. That woman who captured us? That's OanBloat. She's the evilest, brutalist murderer in all of Planet Weird. We're going to die. It's inevitable," Frodo sighed.

"But... they're could be something else in the boxes! I know companies sometimes mess up and put weird stuff in the boxes, maybe they did and whatever we find could help us escape. or maybe we could tie up all the Tai Kwon Joes up and use them to whip the lemongrass out of our attackers. I don't know. But I just don't think we should give up."

"Maybe you're right. A lot of these foaminess are quite stupid, and they could have left something behind."


Thus, we began to dig through the boxes. Eventually, Frodo found a small, empty snaffle bottle that was filled with what appeared to be hand cream. On the side, though, was a patch of buttons, each with a number on them. Frodo showed it to me.

"I know what it is!" I exclaimed. "I saw it once in a private  documentary! But, how could it be? They're so rare... It's so unlikely that we've found one. Anyways, it's a time machine! Oh how wonderful! This is perfect! We can hide in the folds of time, that's the only way for you to be safe!"

"You're right... But don't they have time machines too?"

"Yeah, but the thing about time is that it spans so far back and around the whole world, so that it is very, very hard to find someone who is lost in it. Unless, of course, they can track time travelers, but that of course, would be absurd."

Then, we pressed the button to a special date, and were taken back into time.

Foamin Frodo with a Fro, the spooky story part 2

Alas, our precious hero Foamin Frodo with a Fro had been reduced to the as good as useless molecular structure of a Popcorn kernel.

The characters around him laughed. Frodo blinked, and they began to become blurred. He blinked again, and they were obscured from his vision. He blinked once more, before his eyes faded into the oblivion.

He tried to yell for hep, but no words escaped the crevices of his popcorn kernel. He was a popcorn. Forever.

The End.