Foamin Frodo With A Fro: 2014

Sunday, November 16, 2014

TIME MACHINE: Prologue

Here's a story of Foamin Frodo with a Fro and me, the narrator's, recent adventure. Every week I will be adding a new installment, so brace yourselves, because this blog is back in business!

The Time Machine:

Frodo and I just recently ventured out on a quest to the Fiji Islands to collect some of their fabulous water.

We travelled there in a large vessel known as the Grandeur of Laureth Sulfate. We docked upon the shores. Frodo and I excited onto the beach. We were clad in leather boots, with thick, rucksack-like garments donned upon our torsos and legs, with a large, frou frou, feathered hat upon our heads. In my hand, I clutched a long, deadly sword, crafted with the finest, strongest iron; it was light, but could maim with the power of an axe.

Many people crowded the sandy terrain, most of them looking frightened; the adults hid their children and held them tight.

"EN GAURD!!!" I bellowed. The people cowered and squealed, "Pirates! Pirates!"

"Oh, stop you're blubbering," Frodo groaned. "We don't mean you any harm, just get off your rumps and show us to that mighty fine Fiji water you guys have."

"Yes, sir," one of the locals bowed nervously. "O-our water is certainly the best tasting-much nicer then it is in bottles, yes, yes."

Foamin Frodo with a Fro and I erupted in a chorus of deep, cruel laughter.

"We won't be drinking it, we'll be exploring it!" Frodo answered.

"EN GUARD!" I shouted.

Then the local, who was a scrawny, middle aged man, lead us to the mighty fine water. We clambered on alongside a small, thin stream, through the depths of the forest. Hot sun dappled through the fissures of the tree branches and around the umbrellas of leaves. It's strong heat never faltered, and caused my to perspire greatly.

"Wish we'd worn better clothes," I whispered to Frodo.

"What are you talking about?" He turned to me, confused.

"That's right, I forgot, you lack not only the ability to eat food, but also the ability to feel and detect temperature change. Fascinating, isn't it, the capacity the human mind has to neglect the interning differences that others hold, for the human mind fears uniqueness and is jealous of it."

"I thought we were being pirates, not sciencey philosophical whatevers."

"My dear Foamin Frodo with a Fro, people are capable of liking lots of different things at once, but those likes fluctuate. So at one point, you can like some things more than others, and then in the blink of an eye, you are thrust deeply into a pool of another like,"I said.

"Nevermind," Frodo said, through a surprisingly large amount of foam.

We eventually reached the pool of Fiji water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pool of water was crisp and clear, like a diamond refracting rays of glistening light back to it's cult-like overlord, the Sun. The sun would eat up these light balls, where its power would grow more abundant, dangerous, and scorchingly majestic.

It made me want to put sunglasses on, and bang my head against an oven door, knowing how minuscule I was in the whole broad scheme of things. I could never be apart of the important cycle of "give light to the Sun overlord, and it will give you light in return".

Foamin Frodo with a Fro and I jumped into the water, with huge, hideous grins on our face. It was warm like a bath, but at the same time, refreshing like an icy drink. I would plunge into its depths, and press my stomach against the sand. I would swim with my arms against my side, and my legs pushing back, as if I was squeezing through a tube of water that enclosed my flesh. Then, I would turn around on my back, and float, underneath the water. The water was like a veil, a glimpse of the void, a vacuum of emptiness that calmed you down, and made you forget all the worries of the world outside. But when your head resurfaced, and the air outside cooled your face, and the soddenness of your hair dripped onto your flesh, you were reminded of the hurts the prospect of living bestowed upon you. Then, though, you would look down into the water, as if it were a window, and see fish swimming and plants breathing with the current of water, and you were reminded of beauty. Then you would see the trees, the birds, flowers, and all things lovely, and you'd know that despite all pain, beauty remained. I glanced around outside of the pool, and saw this gorgeous world.

However, my eyes laid upon something manmade, something that did not belong in such a place of purity. It was a Fiji truck. There were men, all around it, clothed in large, rubber suits. They held tubes that would suck the water out of the pool and into the trucks. Others stood over the trucks, and poured strange things into the water-weird potions of odd colors.

It would only be a matter of time before they found us.

"Frodo," I cried. "Look!" I pointed towards the lines of trucks. Frodo's exuberant eyes grew wide in fear.

"We have to go," I said as I trudged out of the water.

Out of the water, my raged clothes were drenched. I thought the cool water would help protect me from the mid afternoon sun, but instead, my clothes stuck to me. A wise woman once said something along the lines of "Sticky and wet makes mommy upset, sticky and wet is very icky." That wise woman was Marissa Benson, and she was my spirit animal. In this moment, her words seemed more of a fact to me than things like, "The sky appears blue to the average human eye" or "Most major and popular business are extremely corrupt". In this moment, I was so sticky, disgusting, hot, and miserable that you could tell me the sky was actually green because it's made of green apple Laffy Taffy, or that companies work out of the love of there hearts, and are not driven by money, and I would probably believe you.

I was tramping angrily and dolefully through the jungle when Foamin Frodo with a Fro stopped me.

"Hey, wait up," he said. "We can't be leaving, not yet. We haven't even explored!"

"We can't explore, not now. not when the company Fiji is here!" I sighed. He couldn't know. Not now, not ever. His existence would be endangered.

"Why not? It's just some stupid company. They can't stop us from exploring, because we have every right to this island as they do."

"No, we don't. We came here by force."

"And how do you think they got here?"

"You make a good point, but still, we can't linger," I said.

"Why not?"

"Because I said so. Because Fiji is... is... Corrupt!"I was getting nervous now. He was being too persistent. Foamin Frodo with a Fro could never find out the truth about the Fiji water company.

"That's not a decent reason. When you were teaching me those life classes, and you were telling me about the world, you said that all companies are corrupt. i'm going back. I'm going exploring, no matter what you say."

"Come back here you little chummy.... Don't you understand? They're going to kill you, and then they're going to kill me!!" I yelled.

He walked away, and shook his head. He never turned back.

"You need to listen to me!!" I shouted desperately. I then realized I had to follow. If I let him go off on his own, he would be caught by the Fiji workers. He would find out the truth. But, at a cost. They would capture him and lock him away.

I had to tell him myself, no matter how he treated me because of it.

"Frodo, come back, I need to tell you something!" I ran in the direction he came from.

He then came into my view, and turned around. "What? Promise, you're not gonna stop me, alright?"

"I won't, I swear. Let me tell you the truth about the Fiji water company. When you came on this planet, you weren't the only one. A few weeks after you arrived in this world, other Foamites started coming to earth, ones that didn't have Fros. They were looking for you. They were determined to destroy you because you'd forsaken them. I didn't want you to know, because I knew you'd be afraid, and you were already so scared of earth. So, the government sent them far away, to the Island Poland Springs, where scientists ripped out the hippocampus of their brains (the part for long term memory). But they didn't realize that Foamites have different brains. Where humans store memory, Foamites store feelings. So now, the evil Foamites remembered their mission to destroy you, but no longer understood the feelings that caused them to want this. They no longer have empathy or remorse or sadness or anything. They are indues goons with the purpose to destroy you.

"I asked the government to kill them off, or send them away, but they refused. Poland Spring had now gotten a few free laborers, and they weren't ready to get rid of them Not until, however, Fiji bought them away. Fiji's CEO, Morsel MontGummry, promised to help them in their quest to destroy you, if only they worked hard with them for free. Of course, the Foamites agreed." I finished with a sigh.

Foamin Frodo with a Fro stared glumly at a his feet.

"Are you mad?" I asked.

"Yeah, mad at those Foamites. I hate them because they're so cruel and afraid. They were scared of me for my Fro. And even though I lived there for a long time, and even though this world can be a pretty bad place, I'd still rather call it home. I felt safe here, and I can't believe they took that from me. We have to stop them."

"What do you suppose we do?"

"I dunno. Maybe first we can spy on them?"

I thought that was quite risky, but I couldn't say no. I didn't tell Frodo the truth-which he rightfully deserved- and now I owed him. So, we went to spy on them.

We moved closer towards the Fiji workers. We could hear the sounds of their voices and the sounds of their machinery.

We crouched down behind a bush, where we were about 200 yards away from them.

"Well, now we've got to wait," I said.

"Yep.... So, you know what I've been thinking? You humans and your food, you like it right?"

"Sure, but it's not really the time to be talking about it..."

"Yeah you're right. But anyway. What if you know you're going to eat something really good, and you want to savor it. So you realize, if it's something that you're like never going to eat ever again, do you savor it? Do you realize that if you eat it now, and if you're like 20, and you're going to die at 90, then you would go like 70 years without ever eating it again. So wouldn't it be better to wait and eat it?"

"No, I think it would be better to shut up!"

"Ahh, what an interesting conversation I hear," said a deep voice from behind. "I hear your chatter chatter and it would be better to shh shh, am i RIGHT RIGHT??"Then, the voice laughed.

Soon, a short woman with a slim stature came towards them. She foamed at the mouth, but this foam was a little bit reddish, and I immediately thought of blood.

She then took two clothes from her pockets and tied them around our mouths to stifle our screams before I even had the chance to unsheathe my sword.

--------------

I awoke, what I assume to be, a few hours later, in a truck. I was still woozy and dreary eyed. I looked down upon my hands, and they were tied together. I took a knot tying class, and new of all the really fancy knots, but that didn't matter because whoever tied me up literally used the simplest, stupidest knot. Obviously, I untied it. I then managed to untie Foamin Frodo with a Fro's, who groaned in his sleep. "Wake up, come on," I said. He then moaned, and one eye fluttered open. "Yes?" he said.

"Look, we're in a truck!"

"I know, it's all bumpy lumpy," he replied groggily.

"But look! Look at all these opened boxes, and they're filled with these creepy dolls! They are plush but hard, with red hair, huge, terrifying eyes, and an evil grin... They're called Tai-Kwon Joes!"

"So? I don't care. Look, it's over. That woman who captured us? That's OanBloat. She's the evilest, brutalist murderer in all of Planet Weird. We're going to die. It's inevitable," Frodo sighed.

"But... they're could be something else in the boxes! I know companies sometimes mess up and put weird stuff in the boxes, maybe they did and whatever we find could help us escape. or maybe we could tie up all the Tai Kwon Joes up and use them to whip the lemongrass out of our attackers. I don't know. But I just don't think we should give up."

"Maybe you're right. A lot of these foaminess are quite stupid, and they could have left something behind."

Thus, we began to dig through the boxes. Eventually, Frodo found a small, empty snaffle bottle that was filled with what appeared to be hand cream. On the side, though, was a patch of buttons, each with a number on them. Frodo showed it to me.

"I know what it is!" I exclaimed. "I saw it once in a private documentary! But, how could it be? They're so rare... It's so unlikely that we've found one. Anyways, it's a time machine! Oh how wonderful! This is perfect! We can hide in the folds of time, that's the only way for you to be safe!"

"You're right... But don't they have time machines too?"

"Yeah, but the thing about time is that it spans so far back and around the whole world, so that it is very, very hard to find someone who is lost in it. Unless, of course, they can track time travelers, but that of course, would be absurd."

Then, we pressed the button to a special date, and were taken back into time.

Foamin Frodo with a Fro, the spooky story part 2

Alas, our precious hero Foamin Frodo with a Fro had been reduced to the as good as useless molecular structure of a Popcorn kernel.

The characters around him laughed. Frodo blinked, and they began to become blurred. He blinked again, and they were obscured from his vision. He blinked once more, before his eyes faded into the oblivion.

He tried to yell for hep, but no words escaped the crevices of his popcorn kernel. He was a popcorn. Forever.

The End.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Foamin Frodo with a Fro, the spooky story

It was a dark and stormy night when our hero, Foamin Frodo with a Fro, the greatest, most wonderful specimen to have ever walked upon this earth, checked into the Cheesenut Valley Hotel room. Despite being rumored to be haunted, for the hotel manager of thirty years ago was found lying dead in one of the hotel rooms, having suffocated from a shower cap wrapped around his head and dripping with a variety of hotel soaps and shampoos, the Cheesenut Valley Hotel was still a popular inn at Sharkwallow, Maine.

Frodo was drenched in rainwater, this rain, though, was warm like dripping wax falling from the stars above. He turned the brass knob, and entered the lobby of the hotel. A bell rang when he entered, but not of the comforting sort; it was a high pitched ring that echoed throughout the vast hall. The room itself was cold and drafty, despite the inconvienetly warm weather outside.

Frodo approached the blonde woman at the front desk, who smiled and said in a creepy, monotone voice, "Hello, FoaminFrodo with a Fro, we have been waiting for you, dear. Are you looking for a room?"

He was taken aback, panicking at the fact that this stranger knew his name. "Y-yes," Frodo trembled.

"Alright, all of our rooms are full, except for room 13B. Would you like to stay there?"

Frodo almost leaped out of his trousers; it took all the strength he could muster not to shriek. Room 13B is where the hotel manager of thirty years ago was killed. SPOOKY SPOOKY!!!!!

But Frodo needed somewhere to sleep; he could not sleep in a tree at Sharkwallow Park, for the weather outside was frightful.

"Yes, of course," he gulped.

She handed him a roll of Scotts toilet paper, a bottle of Tear Free shampoo, and a small bar of soap with Obama's face carved in it. "Here you go, you might need these, as we have no maids or cleaning services." She grinned, her eyes flashing like a psychopath flying on a broomstick, and then she added in a whisper, "You might be needing this." She handed him a spork with a plastic knife as the handle. On it, it read, "What's you handle?"

"What about a room key?"

"Oh, we've long since used room keys here!" she giggled.

Foamin Frodo with a Fro nearly fainted.

-------------------------------------------------------

Frodo knew to take the stairs, not the elevator, as he didn't want lightning to strike and send him off to a parallel universe because that would be some twilight zone nonsense. He reached the thirteenth floor and then stopped, as he was out of breath. He went to room B and opened the door. Inside, he could tell that this was some serious twilight zone nonsense.

The room was decorated with cobwebs, the floor was wooden and creaked with every step, the Disney Princess wallpaper was old and yellowing, the ceiling was covered with specks of mold. There wasn't even a bathroom, just a toilet (it didn't flush though, it was like a port-a-potty) next to the bed and a bath across the room. The bed was unmade and covered in a variety of stains.

"How spooky," he remarked.

He then heard a vicious chewing noise, like someone was feriousouly munching on their gum. It sounded like it was coming from the ceiling he glanced up, when he then heard the sound of something dripping from the wall.

He turned his head and saw that there was something red oozing up the walls and onto the ceiling.

"Oh very funny! You think I don't know that this is jam? It's obviously not blood, just some Bonne Maman Jam!" He rushed over and grabbed a handful. "Look, it's.... wine?"

Just then, a huge thunderclap rang outside, the whole building shaking. He then heard a man bellow scream, and a woman laughed, her voice sounding like the woman from the front desk.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" the man cried. "I sh-should have never stolen your wine! Please, please!"

"Sorry won't get me any more wine!"

There was a loud THUD! BANG! CRASH! BOOM!

How SPOOKY!

Then, a weeping clown arose from the floorboard, doing the macarina. Frodo gasped.

The dancing clown moved closer and closer to Frodo, pushing him against the wall.

Then, the British Doctor Poo guy came in and said, "IT FEEDS ON FAITH NOT FEAR!"

And Frodo was like: ????????

Then the window broke open, and Frodo began to sob. Why me? I'm too young to die!"

Frodo winced but didn't die; he pulled his shaking hands from his eyes, blinked a bit, until Professor RJ Lupin came into view. He was wearing a Miley Cyrus-ish outfit and shaking his bottom chanting,

"R-I-D-I-K-U-LU-S RIDDIKULUS BABY! AYE AYE AYE!" In Latin.

The clown then exploded into a thousand Jelly Bellies, and Lupin jumped out the window, singing the iCarly theme song in Latin.

Then, a trapdoor in the ceiling opened up, and Frodo, who was curled up in the corner, cried even harder. Hannah Montana then slid down on a vine and said, "Hellloooo New York!"

A cow, from somewhere, I do not know, mooed.

Hannah's eyes turned red and popped out of her head, "DADDY WHERE ARE WE? THIS IS NOT NEW YORK! DADDY I WILL TEAR OUT YOUR APPENDIX AGAIN IF YOU DO NOT BRING ME TO NEW YORK!"

Then Billy Ray Cyrus slid down a vine, but instead of a beard, he had elephant trunks growing out of his face.

"NOT NEW YORK! NOT NEW YORK!" she shrieked.

Then, the hotel door flew open. It's just a gust of wind, it's just a gust of wind...

But it WASN'T wind. It was the characters from Dog With A blog and they all came in and formed a circle around Frodo, the furry one repeating, "I update my blog, but you forgot to update yours! You are evil! Evil!! Worse than Cruella Deville and Ursala combined! Worse than a twinkle, worse than Jutsin Bieber's shower songs! You are worse than my tv show, and you will always be!"

Frodo cried so hard that the tears became acid and his cheeks burnt like fire burning wood.

But Hannah and the Dog with a Blog characters melted into dust, but Foamin Frodo with a Fro knew that this wasn't the end, that there was a worser fate in store.

But nothing came. Not until, two hours after the upside down wine, when Frodo's electric watch struck midnight.

Frodo had finally succumbed to the beauty of sleep, when the Disney Princesses on the wall peeled off and became walking stickers of doom. They slipped downstairs, to the kitchens, where they brought back up a bag of microwave popcorn.

The flesh on the disney princess' face faded off, and they were left with skeletons in gowns that would chomp their teeth in unison. The Dog with a Blog characters came back, brushing their teeth in unison. Hannah Montana arose, singing "Who says? Who says this aint New York?" while clutching her glowing red eyeballs in her hands. Lupin came back, smacking his fists on the ground and shouting "why?????" And the clown came back, with his friends, and they all did 360's on their bike in unison. A zombie covered in wine twerked, and einstein complained about how stupid Frodo was.

All of this, woke Frodo up, but he was soon turned into a popcorn kernel.

TO BE CONTINUED

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Foam Cake in a Mug Recipe

Hey there!

It's Huburtus, one of the bakers at the up-and-coming Foamalicious Bake shop, which will be located in Times Square, NYC- if you are interested in visiting!

Foamalicious Bake Shop is a small bake shop founded by Oprah(follow her on instagram: oprahcakes) , her husband Dr. Phil, her sons and daughters: Will Ferrel, Josh Hutcherson, John Green, Hank Green, Sexy Left Ventricle Sugar Molecule, Hilary Clinton, Baylee, and Sydney, and was created in memorial of her dead daughter Honeybooboo. Our shop bakes various desserts and breads and carbalicious breakfast foods! We use all natural, organic ingredients to create DELICIOUS baked goods made with Foamin Frodo with a Fro's foam.

Now, if you remember correctly, eating a Foamite's Foam can cause you to get a temporary case of Foamitus. This is because of high levels of KammaSchmang, that increase the contagiousness of Frodo's foam.

By increasing the acidity of the foam, the KammaSchmang disappeared. Now this processed foam is delcious, and also extremely healthy! It gives you a nice protein and fiber blast!

One of our recipes is the Foam Cake in a Mug recipe. It's ABSOLUTELY TASTE-FABULOUS!!

Here's what you'll need:

1 1/2 Cup Foam (you can order this off of amazon, or, when our company launches, off of our website)
2 Tablespoons chocolate sauce
4 tablespoons of chicken liver
1 cup flour
2 cups canola oil
10 strands of human hair
1 pound rat flesh
2 tablespoons chocolate powder
1 tablespoon sugar

Blend these all together in a mug, and then microwave on high for 2 minutes!

It tastes SO GOOD!

It has 889 calories, 12 grams fat, 13 grams sugar, 12345 mg of sodium, 14 grams carbs and 23 grams fiber. Yeah, its tasty and good for the bod.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

TRAGIC LOVE STORY

Okay, I know this blog is about Foamin Frodo with a Fro, but I want to tell y'all a bit about myself.

To start out, I am going to write about my tragic love story.

A kindergartener walks on the bus.

She sits down.

In the back.

Of the bus.

Usually, the back is crowded with big, mean fifth graders. They are ten. They are powerful.

Today, however, their is a young boy back there. He taps her shoulder. She glances in his eyes; they were blank (because I forgot the color of them) and they are filled with fear.

He raises his little arm. He points to the ceiling.

And on the ceiling, there is a very bad word written there! Someone wrote "You are Stupid". They are very mean. They probably went to jail because they were so bad.

The little girl and the little boy share a mutual fear for this big, mean crimminal. They talk about it. They become friends.

Little did she know, he would become the greatest love of her life, but also her greatest burden.

The girl finds out that the boy is in first grade. She fell in love with an older boy.

One day, they said they were going to get married. They were going to live in a house in New York City, right next to the American Girl Store. They were going to have lots of dogs. The little girl liked dogs.

The boy, however, liked beans. He didn't want to marry the girl.

He wanted to marry a bean.

Bean Boy.

They stay friends for the rest of the year.

One day, Bean Boy tells the little girl that he is very smart and they are moving him up to college.

"But I am smarter than you," the girl says.

"I know, but they only want really smart kids," Bean boy said. "They want me."

The little girl was sad. Bean Boy was going to leave her. That wasn't fair. She was going to use his money to buy lots of dogs, and then write books and take over the world.

Many years later, the little girl is in middle school. All the other girls yap on about their lame boyfriends. They are lame because they are not Bean Boy. Bean Boy is perfect.

She remembers Bean Boy, and tries to find him. She quits school, impersonates an adult, and then uses all of her money to invest in stocks.

She ends up getting lots of money.

She uses that money to track down Bean Boy, even though she forgot his name.

She stalks the records of everyone in America, until she finds Bean Boy.

Eventually, they meet up.

For the next few years, they travel the country, planting beans in everyone's yards. They also gave people dogs. And American Girl dolls.

Eventually, they kiss :o

Then they fall in love.

But then Bean Boy thinks the girl is a bean, and he tries to eat her arm. She then suffocates him with a bean vine.

She doesn't feel bad though. She thought it was fun!!!! So then, she puts his blood on a dinosaur shaped chicken nugget, and it turns into a dinosaur! She dresses up like a pirate, rides the dinosaur around, and suffocates people with bean vines.

She becomes known as The Bean Bandit (because she steals lots of beans)

THE END!

What do you think?? It was loosely based off of my life!

Infromenza

AGH!!! SILLY LEMONGRASS BELLYBUTTON TEARS!

OH MY GOODNESS
OH MY GOODNESS!

WITH MY OBSESSIONS WITH OPRAH, AND AMERICAN GIRL, AND TURNING EVERYTHING INTO METAPHORS ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH, AND EATING DANDELIONS, AND JUST EVERYTHING

I FORGOT TO POST

But, like always, I have a [somewhat] decent excuse.

There hasn't been much FFWAF activity.

This is due to the fact that FFWAF is SERIOUSLY ILL.

He has the Infromenza disease.

What is the Infromenza disease, you may ask??

Well, it is a strange disorder in which a Foamite's fro sinks down so the fro levels become very low.

This can cause Froache's and pain everywhere. It can cause the ill person to go insane. But worst of all, it will make their fro levels decline dramatically.

Now, Infromenza has many different stages: Stage Tub, Stage Glub, and Stage Wub. Foamin frodo with a Fro currently has stage Glub, which is in the middle. He faces aches and pains, and can only speak in metaphors/similes/haikus.

But, he is getting better.

Long ago, on Planet Weird, if a foamite got Infromenza, their sort of fro would sink very low. Eventually, after pains, insanity, etc, they would eventually die from lack of foam.

BUT NOW.... TECHNOLOGY!!!

TECHNOLOGY!

TECHNOLOGY!!!!!!

(I sound like my math teacher...)

Scientists can HELP CURE INFROMENZA!

Since Infromenza occurs when a molecule of meepweepadeep mutates into a skreepydeepy, which then targets the veins and arteries, filling it with a green discharge that causes the arteries to dissolve, a drug called SLOOPADOOP was created. SLOOPADOOP helps stop the skreepydeepy, and overtime, helps the arteries reform.

However, this is a process like growing bones.

It takes a long time, and can be quite painful.

Foamin Frodo with a Fro will be in the Hospital in Traumatized Russia for the next 2 months.

If you want to send him gifts, he likes panties, pictures of cannibals, and chocolate peperoni.

Send it to our PO box: FFWAF SunshineDaisyLove Ln, Traumatized Russia, Russia.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

The True Frodo

I am so sorry. I have been a foolish scientist. I have made the mistake many scientists before me, and many scientists to come, have. Not just scientists, either. All people act in foolish ways such as I have.

I was so obsessed with Foamin Frodo with a Fro's strange and unique character, that I lost the ability to understand that he is human, too. I overlooked his personality: his definition of himself, instead, lingering upon his physical characteristics. I adored him for the physical traits he possessed, not even bothering to get to know his true personality.

For, upon meeting someone else, you can identify the color of their hair and eyes in a matter of seconds, but to truly understand them for who they are would take more than a thousand lifetimes.

So, I am here not to explain to you the wonders of his fro, or how his meepweepadeep affects hydrogen dunkydink, I'm here to tell you about the deep stuff.

Frodo is a flirt

Frodo enjoys taunting and torturing random people with phrases that represent his undying love.

Colors

Frodo likes perriwinkle because it's quite foamy, and hates the color yellow because the Foamitus tortured him with egg yolks.

Activities and Interests

Foamin Frodo with a Fro likes riding his barbie bike around town, and choking unsuspecting pedestrians with the handle-frills that dance around in the wind as he races, his fro shining in the sunlight.

Foamin Frodo with a Fro loves writing and singing silly songs.

Foamin Frodo with a Fro enjoys watching Oprah on TV

Foamin Frodo with a Fro ships Oprsh and Dr. Phil real hardcore

Foamin Frodo with a Fro likes to collect strands of hair from random people, and creates stories and characters for them.

Foamin Frodo with a Fro likes to have a temporary tattoo stand, where he gets people tatted.

He enjoys opera.

He reads childrens' books. His favorite is 'NO DAVID'. It makes him cry. He shares an emotional bond with David, who has been forbidden to embrace his true character, and cowers away from his torturous superiors.

He creates quote analogies, and likes hearing other people's analogies. His favorite of mine is: "life is like a bowl stuck in a toilet. You're already drowning, but people insist on filling you with more and more water, so that one day, you'll overflow completely, and drown the world in your pain and agony." My favorite of his is: "Lemons are like limes, except yellower."

Personality

He is proud, and some times this leads him to being a bit rude and mean. He tries to hard to make others laugh and feel happy, so when the do not think he is funny, he is let down. He feels he has failed, because he loves bringing joy to those around him. He has strong opinions, and sometimes insults people when he speaks his mind. However, he is never afraid to say what he believes, and can be cruel to those who oppose his beliefs. He also thinks of himself to be better than who her really is.

Monday, March 3, 2014

New Frodo Facts

Hello fellow Froamies.

I felt it was time to apprise you with more aw-inspiring Frodo updates.

For instance, I bet, before stumbling upon this blog post, you were unaware that everything foamy, from the frothing sea-spume that bubbles amongst the shorelines, to the effervescence that fizzes on the surface of soda pop-is a product of Foamin Frodo with a Fro's foam(well, sort of).

So, this is how it works.

Since the dawn of time, Foamin Frodo with a Fro's ancestors came from Planet Weird in the Province of Uzbekistan to our planet we call home- Earth. They brought with them their foaming abilities, however, the original Foamites, lived without Fros. Their Foaming abilities laid inside of their skull, it wasn't until our dear Foamin Frodo with a Fro was brought to life that a Foamite was able to have a Fro (which, allows him to live longer. He has more stored vites, which allows for a longer life span).

Anyway, these original Foamites lived amongst the Ancient Greeks. Greeks, being human, were terrified of the Foamites and the dangers they possessed. So, the Trojan War broke out, involving those siding with the Foamites (and the Foamites themselves, of course) and those against the Foamites. One night, a night often assosiated with the Trojan War, the Foamites and their supporters hid in a giant horse. The soldiers road inside of it all the way to the enemy territory, offering it as a peace treaty.

Whatever you heard about the Trojan War is wrong. I know, everyone thinks that those sneaky soldiers hiding in the horse tricked their enemies to their doom, but that's not the truth. That's not what really happened. The Foamite's enemies were no fools. They knew the Foamite's ploy was just some clever scheme intended to attack them. So, they burned the entire horse, and all who hid inside of it perished. Luckily, some of the Foamites stayed back at camp.

But anyway, while the Foamites stayed on Earth, they Foamed. They foamed and foamed and foamed. But what should one do with such large amounts of foam? Where did they put all this bodily waste? In the rivers, of course. The rivers emptied out into the ocean, carrying the foam with them. It seeped into the seas, and frothed onto the shores. When you go to the beach, the very sea foam you dance and splash upon is the very foam that Foamites long, long ago foamed.

Now, this foam is used to add flavoring(or fragrance) and preservatives to items like soda and antibacterial foaming soap, thus, soda's fizz and soaps' bubbles. I bet you are wondering, though, how does the sea foam not run out? It's simple, really. The foam reproduces.

There is a chemical found in salt(which, is in ocean water): it is known as chimuella. Chimuella, when mixed with Meepweepadeep, causes a chemical reaction known as Spumescam, which causes whatever it is mixed with to multiply.

Back to the ancestors...The survivors then realized that a world filled with hatred and angst and the purest of evils was not a world for them. A world devoted to killing and the hurting of those who shared their same flesh and bone was not a good world in the slightest. Those Foamites who were stuck on a planet with an evil species with he intent to hurt and harm for pleasure realized that staying there meant certain death.

Thus, they planned to return back home. In a few days time, they built a rocketship, boarded it, and set off for their domicile: Planet Weird in the Province of Uzbekistan. There, they reunited with several other species from their home planet.

Now, the species that roamed Planet Weird never knew evil. They never knew murder, or hatred, or anger, or cunning, or jealousy, or anything horrible. They only knew happiness, kindness, harmony, and everything good.

But they also contained something else:

Curiousity.

The desire to know and understand more had eventually overcome the Foamites. They wanted to see if there was anything beyond their small planet. They desired to see more than just the life they knew.

And what does one do when they want something?

They build it.

Thus, they built a rocketship.

The Foamites journeyed around throughout space, until they stumbled upon our Earth. And, if you've gotten this far, you will have know what happened there, when the Foamites went to Greece.

The Foamites faced greif, pain, evil, bloodthirst, and more. They now understood what hatred was, what it feels like to tear the life from a fragile human being, what anger and fear felt like, the desire to avenge yourself, the agony of being rejected and spat on with disgust, and more. The Foamites witnessed small acts of evil you and I face every single day. They mixed with humans. And now, they understood more than happiness, kindness, and peace.

They understood evil.

They became less pure, and more of something else.

More....human.

When the Foamites returned to their native planet, they brought back this burden of understandment.

They shared these evils like plagues through small acts of rudeness and cruelity.

Soon, all of the Planet Weird species slowly began to understand and use this power known as evil. For, as all of us humans know, it is much easier to make bad choices than good ones.

Eventually, war broke out. This war was known as the Jaboon War- a dark age. However, we know very little on this war, except that many Planet Weirdians died. The Jaboon War is hardly ever mentioned on Planet Weird, for it was such an evil and sad time that uttering the mere word brought fear and melancholy upon the planet's inhabitants. Therefore, Foamin Frodo with a Fro doesn't know very much about it.

Speaking of dear Frodo, he was the first Foamite to have returned to planet Earth since his ancestors. He came here because the Foamites shunned and tortured him for his strange fro he was crowned with since birth. You see, those from Planet Weird developed another human-like trait: the fear of anything strangely new or slightly different. They were scared of the powers they believed Frodo harnessed.

Out of distaste of his own kind, Frodo fled to a planet he wasn't even sure was real, for it only existed in legends and folktales. Foamin Frodo with a Fro knew that humans were evil from these stories, but at the time, he realized anyone was better than the abusive Planet Weird dwellers.

Frodo was found after he crashed into the Collesium in Rome. He was arrested, and questioned by me- a police officer in training, who doubled as a developing scientist, artist, author, and combat master. After figuring out what he was- I was astonished. He was every scientist's dream: an impossibility with a fascinating body system who came from an unknown planet. He spoke new developments in the entire world of Astronomy, biology- everything. And he just fell from the sky and into my arms. I was pleased beyond words.

Later on, we became close friends. Frodo soon realized that humans-even being stained with the presence of evil- are also filled with so much light.

He realized that this light we all have inside of us has the capability to outshine our darkness and that we humans, even though often make bad descissions and do horrible, evil things, are good.

We all can live with the burden of evil. We must not let our anger, our fear, or jealousy, our hatred crush us and weigh us down. We must understand that there is good inside of all of us, and that no matter what, we should always make sure that our goodness outshines the evil we are tainted with.

And now, I leave you with one final fact: Foamites come from other Foamites. When a Foamite dies, and if its skull remains, a new Foamite is born from it. In the case of Frodo, he was found in a field of ashes, which may explain why he has his fro.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Frodo prince of LockaSock Part 3 Part 3 (finally!)

Yay! I am now well enough to post.

So, like, for a week, Royal Prep prepared for war against the Hogwarts peeps

We built cannons, under control of James.

We built giant ice cream traps used to suffocate our enemies inside the delightful pit of savory raspberry ice cream

We collected my foam, and dipped darts into it. We used those to shoot our enemies and give them permanent foamitus. Hehe.

Hand to hand combat stuff? Nerf Guns, Foam Swords, and fencing sword stuff.

Cookie bombs.

Our limited knowledge of sorcery.

Rube Goldburg traps that end with the victim in the stocks were they are thrown cake at.

Stoning.

Trolls with clubs.

Trapping people in bubbles.

This one prince who vomits a lot.

But what we didn't realize is that the kids from Hogwarts trained to do one thing.

Magic,

So, when the war began, we would lure several Hufflepuffs into our ice cream trap where they would suffocate for eternity, but once they were stuck inside, a jet of Antique Fuchsia bursts out of the ice cream of doom, and out pops the heads of the Hufflepuffs.

You'd think they'd be mad, but no, they were estatic.

"I love ice cream! yay!" They said with their usual bubbly, jubilant, cheery, stupid voice.

Other Hogwart students came on an air raid. They rode broomsticks and wore, I hate to admit this about the enemy, but REALLY hot cloaks. Omg they were perf.

Some kids also rode like invisible horses and hung from the tails of little baby phoenixes, who one person called, "Fawkes Jrs".

The air raiders tossed frisbees that bit you, usually in the highney.

They also dropped these bombs that, when set off, gave off the fowl odor of despair.

The rest of the students, some riding hippogriffs, and one on the back of a three headed dog, shot spells at you with their wands.

Jets of Crimson, Vegas Gold, Zaffre, Zinnwaldite Brown, Sienna, Burnt Umber, Rose, Sea Green, Screamin' Green, Blood Red, Sangria, Lilac, Robin egg blue, Quinacridone magenta, Pink Lace, Papaya Whip, Magic Mint, Mocassin, Mocha, Liver Chesnut, Ochre, Light Red Ochre, Jasmine, Japanese violate, mauve, ebony, ecru, diamond, lavender, coral, cyan, teal, Taupe, Periwinkle, Plum, Persian Blue, Olive, Orchid, Harlequin, Jade, Ivory, Emerald and Salmon, (and yes I know what I am talking about. i, Foamin Frodo with a Fro, have memorized every single color there is known to man, and woman, and derranged freak aka myself) shot everywhere, hitting poor princes and princesses and other peasants and servants willing to fight, leaving their unconsious selves sprawled all over the ground.

After being brutally beaten by spells, an old man atop a horse plods over to royal prep. He holds a wand to his throat, mutters an incantation, and suddenly gives a stentorian announcement, "ATTENTION ALL OF HOGWARTS!!!! THE WAR IS OVER!! WE CRUSHED THESE DIRTY WIMPS!!"

Then, the strangest thing happened. All the hogwarts students formed a circle, and saluted. "ALL HAIL PROFESSOR DIDDLYDUMP, HEADMASTER OF HOGWARTS!!" And then did this really weird flash mob where they formed strange arrays of people while jiggling themselves and shaking. I was petrified.

But then I realized, I can't be flash mobbed. I can't let this fear be shown. That would be a disgrace to myself, and all of Royal Prep. I scan the battlefield, and see the nonmoving bodies of my fellow students. I'm filled with a wave of courage. I am the last one standing.

You want to know why I wasn't hit by a spell? It was because I was hiding behind a bush. Such a wimp of me.

Then, I jumped out of the bush and bellowed, "STOP! COME AT ME BROTHA! "

Then, I showed them who was boss. I got up, put on my vending machine costume, and started to sing. I'm Stuck in a Vending Machine. Top Top Bottom Bottom Middle Middle Middle. I'm Going to Fill you're bucket with foam. I like Jam and Preserves but not jelly. Wish you a Pippin Christmas. Hey i'm Pippin and I'm Merry. Along with assorted others.

When i finished, I gave a slight bow. A single tear tumbled down my cheeks. Singing gets me emotionally pumped up, ya know??? But what surprised me was, the hogwarts students weren't scared or shocked.

They were awestruck.

They looked at me with immense satisfaction, and then, all bowed down to me.

"OH GREAT FOAMIN FRODO WITH A FRO! SINGER OF GREAT MUSIC!"

And then sang an opera song.

OH GREAT FOAMING FRODO

WE LOVE YOU AND WANT TO EAT YOUR PRECIOUS FOAM

WE WISH TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A FRO AS BIG AS YOURS

WE THINK YOU SING REALLY GREAT SONGS

YOU HAVE A GIFT OF MUSIC

WE REALLY LIKE YOU

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH"

I really felt loved.

Then, Penelope piped up, "Frodo, what can we do to say thanks for enlightening us with such wonderful music?"

"Well awe shucks I don't need anything Im just doing what I love YOU KNOW WHAT OF COURSE I NEED SOMETHING. PLEASE REVIVE THOSE IDIOTS FROM SCHOOL BECAUSE SOME ARE REALLY SMOKING HOT LOL. "

"That can be arranged," answered DiddlyDump. And then, he extracted his wand from out of his head, and cast a spell into the air. "SKOODILYPOOPINGCHOODLYCHOOMPINGTINKLINGDAISIESSUPERPRAISIESTOOTSAPOOP!" \

And everyone was revived. The end. Tune in next time. :-)

Oh, Just Jam It!

LOOK AT ALL THE WONDERS OF JAM.

The beauty of life is not based on how well known something is for being gorgeous, it's about taking the small things and finding beauty in it.

Such as jam.