Frodo was drenched in rainwater, this rain, though, was warm like dripping wax falling from the stars above. He turned the brass knob, and entered the lobby of the hotel. A bell rang when he entered, but not of the comforting sort; it was a high pitched ring that echoed throughout the vast hall. The room itself was cold and drafty, despite the inconvienetly warm weather outside.
Frodo approached the blonde woman at the front desk, who smiled and said in a creepy, monotone voice, "Hello, FoaminFrodo with a Fro, we have been waiting for you, dear. Are you looking for a room?"
He was taken aback, panicking at the fact that this stranger knew his name. "Y-yes," Frodo trembled.
"Alright, all of our rooms are full, except for room 13B. Would you like to stay there?"
Frodo almost leaped out of his trousers; it took all the strength he could muster not to shriek. Room 13B is where the hotel manager of thirty years ago was killed. SPOOKY SPOOKY!!!!!
But Frodo needed somewhere to sleep; he could not sleep in a tree at Sharkwallow Park, for the weather outside was frightful.
"Yes, of course," he gulped.
She handed him a roll of Scotts toilet paper, a bottle of Tear Free shampoo, and a small bar of soap with Obama's face carved in it. "Here you go, you might need these, as we have no maids or cleaning services." She grinned, her eyes flashing like a psychopath flying on a broomstick, and then she added in a whisper, "You might be needing this." She handed him a spork with a plastic knife as the handle. On it, it read, "What's you handle?"
"What about a room key?"
"Oh, we've long since used room keys here!" she giggled.
Foamin Frodo with a Fro nearly fainted.
-------------------------------------------------------
Frodo knew to take the stairs, not the elevator, as he didn't want lightning to strike and send him off to a parallel universe because that would be some twilight zone nonsense. He reached the thirteenth floor and then stopped, as he was out of breath. He went to room B and opened the door. Inside, he could tell that this was some serious twilight zone nonsense.
The room was decorated with cobwebs, the floor was wooden and creaked with every step, the Disney Princess wallpaper was old and yellowing, the ceiling was covered with specks of mold. There wasn't even a bathroom, just a toilet (it didn't flush though, it was like a port-a-potty) next to the bed and a bath across the room. The bed was unmade and covered in a variety of stains.
"How spooky," he remarked.
He then heard a vicious chewing noise, like someone was feriousouly munching on their gum. It sounded like it was coming from the ceiling he glanced up, when he then heard the sound of something dripping from the wall.
He turned his head and saw that there was something red oozing up the walls and onto the ceiling.
"Oh very funny! You think I don't know that this is jam? It's obviously not blood, just some Bonne Maman Jam!" He rushed over and grabbed a handful. "Look, it's.... wine?"
Just then, a huge thunderclap rang outside, the whole building shaking. He then heard a man bellow scream, and a woman laughed, her voice sounding like the woman from the front desk.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" the man cried. "I sh-should have never stolen your wine! Please, please!"
"Sorry won't get me any more wine!"
There was a loud THUD! BANG! CRASH! BOOM!
How SPOOKY!
Then, a weeping clown arose from the floorboard, doing the macarina. Frodo gasped.
The dancing clown moved closer and closer to Frodo, pushing him against the wall.
Then, the British Doctor Poo guy came in and said, "IT FEEDS ON FAITH NOT FEAR!"
And Frodo was like: ????????
Then the window broke open, and Frodo began to sob. Why me? I'm too young to die!"
Frodo winced but didn't die; he pulled his shaking hands from his eyes, blinked a bit, until Professor RJ Lupin came into view. He was wearing a Miley Cyrus-ish outfit and shaking his bottom chanting,
"R-I-D-I-K-U-LU-S RIDDIKULUS BABY! AYE AYE AYE!" In Latin.
The clown then exploded into a thousand Jelly Bellies, and Lupin jumped out the window, singing the iCarly theme song in Latin.
Then, a trapdoor in the ceiling opened up, and Frodo, who was curled up in the corner, cried even harder. Hannah Montana then slid down on a vine and said, "Hellloooo New York!"
A cow, from somewhere, I do not know, mooed.
Hannah's eyes turned red and popped out of her head, "DADDY WHERE ARE WE? THIS IS NOT NEW YORK! DADDY I WILL TEAR OUT YOUR APPENDIX AGAIN IF YOU DO NOT BRING ME TO NEW YORK!"
Then Billy Ray Cyrus slid down a vine, but instead of a beard, he had elephant trunks growing out of his face.
"NOT NEW YORK! NOT NEW YORK!" she shrieked.
Then, the hotel door flew open. It's just a gust of wind, it's just a gust of wind...
But it WASN'T wind. It was the characters from Dog With A blog and they all came in and formed a circle around Frodo, the furry one repeating, "I update my blog, but you forgot to update yours! You are evil! Evil!! Worse than Cruella Deville and Ursala combined! Worse than a twinkle, worse than Jutsin Bieber's shower songs! You are worse than my tv show, and you will always be!"
Frodo cried so hard that the tears became acid and his cheeks burnt like fire burning wood.
But Hannah and the Dog with a Blog characters melted into dust, but Foamin Frodo with a Fro knew that this wasn't the end, that there was a worser fate in store.
But nothing came. Not until, two hours after the upside down wine, when Frodo's electric watch struck midnight.
Frodo had finally succumbed to the beauty of sleep, when the Disney Princesses on the wall peeled off and became walking stickers of doom. They slipped downstairs, to the kitchens, where they brought back up a bag of microwave popcorn.
The flesh on the disney princess' face faded off, and they were left with skeletons in gowns that would chomp their teeth in unison. The Dog with a Blog characters came back, brushing their teeth in unison. Hannah Montana arose, singing "Who says? Who says this aint New York?" while clutching her glowing red eyeballs in her hands. Lupin came back, smacking his fists on the ground and shouting "why?????" And the clown came back, with his friends, and they all did 360's on their bike in unison. A zombie covered in wine twerked, and einstein complained about how stupid Frodo was.
All of this, woke Frodo up, but he was soon turned into a popcorn kernel.
TO BE CONTINUED
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