So, like, for a week, Royal Prep prepared for war against the Hogwarts peeps
We built cannons, under control of James.
We built giant ice cream traps used to suffocate our enemies inside the delightful pit of savory raspberry ice cream
We collected my foam, and dipped darts into it. We used those to shoot our enemies and give them permanent foamitus. Hehe.
Hand to hand combat stuff? Nerf Guns, Foam Swords, and fencing sword stuff.
Cookie bombs.
Our limited knowledge of sorcery.
Rube Goldburg traps that end with the victim in the stocks were they are thrown cake at.
Stoning.
Trolls with clubs.
Trapping people in bubbles.
This one prince who vomits a lot.
But what we didn't realize is that the kids from Hogwarts trained to do one thing.
Magic,
So, when the war began, we would lure several Hufflepuffs into our ice cream trap where they would suffocate for eternity, but once they were stuck inside, a jet of Antique Fuchsia bursts out of the ice cream of doom, and out pops the heads of the Hufflepuffs.
You'd think they'd be mad, but no, they were estatic.
"I love ice cream! yay!" They said with their usual bubbly, jubilant, cheery, stupid voice.
Other Hogwart students came on an air raid. They rode broomsticks and wore, I hate to admit this about the enemy, but REALLY hot cloaks. Omg they were perf.
Some kids also rode like invisible horses and hung from the tails of little baby phoenixes, who one person called, "Fawkes Jrs".
The air raiders tossed frisbees that bit you, usually in the highney.
They also dropped these bombs that, when set off, gave off the fowl odor of despair.
The rest of the students, some riding hippogriffs, and one on the back of a three headed dog, shot spells at you with their wands.
Jets of Crimson, Vegas Gold, Zaffre, Zinnwaldite Brown, Sienna, Burnt Umber, Rose, Sea Green, Screamin' Green, Blood Red, Sangria, Lilac, Robin egg blue, Quinacridone magenta, Pink Lace, Papaya Whip, Magic Mint, Mocassin, Mocha, Liver Chesnut, Ochre, Light Red Ochre, Jasmine, Japanese violate, mauve, ebony, ecru, diamond, lavender, coral, cyan, teal, Taupe, Periwinkle, Plum, Persian Blue, Olive, Orchid, Harlequin, Jade, Ivory, Emerald and Salmon, (and yes I know what I am talking about. i, Foamin Frodo with a Fro, have memorized every single color there is known to man, and woman, and derranged freak aka myself) shot everywhere, hitting poor princes and princesses and other peasants and servants willing to fight, leaving their unconsious selves sprawled all over the ground.
After being brutally beaten by spells, an old man atop a horse plods over to royal prep. He holds a wand to his throat, mutters an incantation, and suddenly gives a stentorian announcement, "ATTENTION ALL OF HOGWARTS!!!! THE WAR IS OVER!! WE CRUSHED THESE DIRTY WIMPS!!"
Then, the strangest thing happened. All the hogwarts students formed a circle, and saluted. "ALL HAIL PROFESSOR DIDDLYDUMP, HEADMASTER OF HOGWARTS!!" And then did this really weird flash mob where they formed strange arrays of people while jiggling themselves and shaking. I was petrified.
But then I realized, I can't be flash mobbed. I can't let this fear be shown. That would be a disgrace to myself, and all of Royal Prep. I scan the battlefield, and see the nonmoving bodies of my fellow students. I'm filled with a wave of courage. I am the last one standing.
You want to know why I wasn't hit by a spell? It was because I was hiding behind a bush. Such a wimp of me.
Then, I jumped out of the bush and bellowed, "STOP! COME AT ME BROTHA! "
Then, I showed them who was boss. I got up, put on my vending machine costume, and started to sing. I'm Stuck in a Vending Machine. Top Top Bottom Bottom Middle Middle Middle. I'm Going to Fill you're bucket with foam. I like Jam and Preserves but not jelly. Wish you a Pippin Christmas. Hey i'm Pippin and I'm Merry. Along with assorted others.
When i finished, I gave a slight bow. A single tear tumbled down my cheeks. Singing gets me emotionally pumped up, ya know??? But what surprised me was, the hogwarts students weren't scared or shocked.
They were awestruck.
They looked at me with immense satisfaction, and then, all bowed down to me.
"OH GREAT FOAMIN FRODO WITH A FRO! SINGER OF GREAT MUSIC!"
And then sang an opera song.
OH GREAT FOAMING FRODO
OH GREAT FOAMING FRODO
WE LOVE YOU AND WANT TO EAT YOUR PRECIOUS FOAM
WE WISH TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A FRO AS BIG AS YOURS
WE THINK YOU SING REALLY GREAT SONGS
YOU HAVE A GIFT OF MUSIC
WE REALLY LIKE YOU
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH"
I really felt loved.
Then, Penelope piped up, "Frodo, what can we do to say thanks for enlightening us with such wonderful music?"
"Well awe shucks I don't need anything Im just doing what I love YOU KNOW WHAT OF COURSE I NEED SOMETHING. PLEASE REVIVE THOSE IDIOTS FROM SCHOOL BECAUSE SOME ARE REALLY SMOKING HOT LOL. "
"That can be arranged," answered DiddlyDump. And then, he extracted his wand from out of his head, and cast a spell into the air. "SKOODILYPOOPINGCHOODLYCHOOMPINGTINKLINGDAISIESSUPERPRAISIESTOOTSAPOOP!" \
And everyone was revived. The end. Tune in next time. :-)
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